Fogotten Again: Why December Birthdays Suck

On December 31st it will be my birthday. Since it's a milestone for me (the big 5-0) you would think that I may have decided to treat myself or be going to some kind of party or get together. Not a chance.  For most people who have birthdays in the Christmas month, although there are rare exceptions, trying to set up any kind of actual celebration gets the same reaction every year: "Sorry, but I'm: Too busy, too broke, going somewhere else".  I do have to say that I have asked people to stop apologizing. I mean, I thought that a birthday was something to celebrate, so if you have to say sorry because mine is such a burden, then for the love of God, save it.

This is my opinion, and right now, it's the only one that counts.  I didn't celebrate Christmas this year either, I did not buy one damn gift, I didn't line up for hours, I didn't attend a family dinner.Instead, I fulfilled my obligations to my Father's Girlfriend and took her for dinner which I had promised him before he has passed away. It was uncomfortable but we got through it.

I guess by writing this post it is on my mind at how alone sometimes I feel and that I recognize others are in the same boat.  We never celebrated it once in my entire life and I don't know how to feel about that, I come from a large family who was always afforded to recognize their special days. I didn't even realize that I had one until I questioned it as a child and then I got the same response from family as I do from people now days.

I did make one minor change this year and that was to stop attending others birthdays when I realized down deep, it actually made me feel sad and inadequate to be there. That's when I knew that I must be changing and for the better since I was able to consciously decide to stop partaking in activities that were unhealthy for me and also cheaper.

So may I wish you all, the best of the year, here's to a prosperous, fun and healthy 2014.! 

Steve Perry's Everlasting Journey

So, its Friday night and I made it home again, a drab, dreary work day and my strength evaporated out my body, and here I am, looking for some small thing or moment to give me a little comfort to make me forget about the pains I suffer from. I walked by the dining-room window and when I happened to look outside, I could see the Christmas lights across the lane...I think sometimes my brain is so overloaded with sorrow I tend to fall into daydreaming and as such, I then thought about the journey I'm on, when does it end? How does it end? When do my lights finally fade and then ultimately burn out, flickering away till the flicker wanes and the brightness dims?  

I thought about my own questions and behold, a quick tap on the keyboard with some key words, lights, journey, and I found Steve Perry! And then I was thinking ..darn ...what's that song that really fits what I'm feeling? 

And here it is.....When The Lights Go Down  ...by Journey and thanks Mr. Perry, you're one of a kind, truly.

Family Death and am I Doing Okay?

My Father died last week, he had an ongoing illness however it was not expected, it was sudden and of course like so many, many people...I didn't see it coming.  I had just left the hospital, he made me go buy him a Bacon, Cheeseburger at Vera's Burger Shack on Davie Street in Vancouver, it was his favorite and later on he asked me to buy him a "decent cup of coffee" since the hospital coffee tasted like "shit" (sorry...but that was his opinion). We talked most of the day and like any other time, we had the kiss on the cheek and I said that I loved him and would he like to call me in about an hour, should be home by then, which he replied "yes" and a "talk to you soon". I walked to my car and was driving on Westminster Highway,when the phone rang. *Yes...I have bluetooth..handsfree* It was the Nurse, Odette, I was surprised and confused by the call as I was just there 10 or so minutes ago, so I told her I would pull over. Which I did. And I turned off the car..

Odette told me that she was so very sorry and that my Father had died.

I could hear in her voice that she was choked up...but surely there was a mistake?? I even asked her that. I think it's because I was in shock.  She said that she had just turned him and that this is when it happened, it was sudden.  She asks me if they should call a Minister or the like to administer Last Rights or something like that..I said yes and to please do it straight away.  And now all I can think is one thousand things at once and at the same time, my mind is blank. I'm not sure what I am feeling.

I tell her to please go ahead, I explain where I am and tell her I need to call family and I will call as soon as I am home and able to focus. She explains that there is no rush. I tell her I will get there as soon as I can and I hang up.

I start to cry.

I make it home, driving slower than normal because I'm aware that my level of distraction may be higher because of my emotions.

And since then. I've had so much trouble dealing with the bank, Scotiabank, and the movers, the family who was already calling me and demanding items from his home and wanted to know "where all his money was", is enough to make anyone crazy.

I guess I am lucky that I got five days off of work to go deal with things but honestly, my heart is no longer there and neither am I in my own way. I have no interest in my job, going there just reminds me that I don't have enough time to do the rest of the things that need to be done.  I work and then go home whereupon I spend several hours trying to inventory his belongings, do research on how to get legal help because the bank is withholding funds even if they are not trustee's. It's all a big mess.

I am also dealing with a health issue, on the same week Dad passed, I had major surgery. I didn't have any choice on moving his belongings, had no money left and so although I wasn't supposed to lift and was supposed to rest,  well...lets just say that I tore open and have a bad infection in the wounds.

I'm terribly sad inside. I don't want to speak to my family any longer as they didn't show up to help, they're just concerned with what they can get. I heard and I had read that when someone dies that it can either bring a family together or tear it apart. Mine is the latter.

So, all one can do, is hope that you don't wind up in the hospital yourself, no one will care for you and you need to do what I am doing and cut all ties with the selfish people that want to monopolize your time and couldn't care less about you and your feelings.  One of my friends say that I'm not grieving, and I told her that I didn't have time right now. I'm too busy trying to get free legal help, trying to keep my job and figuring out how to keep food on my table without having the luxury of feeling much of anything other than exhaustion and hunger and even that's pushing it.

I'm probably not okay, but I can't say that I really even care about that.  So, if you're in the same boat as me, or you've been through this and understand that telling someone that I should look on the bright side of life is much akin to telling someone that's starving to think positively and food will drop miraculously from the skies, then maybe you truly have some idea of what I'm feeling or not feeling. Advice is welcome. 

Scotia Bank Holds Funds Hostage on Estate Account, Scamming and Rip Off Report

Life happens. Or maybe it's best to say "death happens" instead because that's what occurred several weeks ago into my life. My Dad passed away, it was unexpected. I don't believe its appropriate to say that death is a blessing when truly it's a difficult time for those trying to survive the loss.  Unfortunately for me, I was named as the Executrix so one of my tasks was to secure a bank account in the estate name, since Dad had recently moved to Scotia Bank on Robson Street in Vancouver, that is where I went.

My experience so far has been absolutely horrid.  They initially refused to take the information that he passed. I told them that I didn't actually want to do anything at that time but just give some information, I was flat out told that they won't do anything, even put a flag on the account, without the death certificate and the Will, when I asked if I could bring a certified copy if I couldn't locate the originals, the Customer Service Manager, Allison didn't even know what a certified copy was!!! And it gets better from there. Once I had my documents in hand (and I forgot to mention, we got a lecture about showing up "unannounced" and how to behave like civilized people and make an appointment) I made the appointment.  Alice states that it has to be put into a special savings account, in the Estate name, and that I would be able to pay bills, gather monies and dispurse the funds accordingly....so far sounds normal right? WRONG.....

The very first thing Allison did was tell me that my Dad had a credit card with them and she is immediately withdrawing the entire amount to pay it and a blip of a keystroke it was done, no mention of whether there was credit card insurance or not.  I have to say that amongst trying to move my Father's entire apartment on my own and with major surgery just being finished, I was exhausted. And as such, I handed Alice 3 more bills to pay.  I deposited two cheques and told her that it was so inconvenient to come downtown, it was hard for me to travel and the bank is not open when I'm off work and I would have to take unpaid leave to get there in time. I asked Alice if I could go to another branch closer to home and she told me "yes" and that I could give her number if they had any questions.  Uhmmmm...WRONG again!.

So far, in the past 2 weeks, I've been to 3 of their locations. I tried to get a bank draft in my name to pay Canada Post so that I could get his mail forwarded to mine and ensure that any outstanding debts, bills or cheques would come to me.  Scotiabank apparently has the following policy on Estate Accounts: You, the Executor/Executrix are to pay ALL monies out of your own pocket, you must produce receipts with a Manager and if they approve of the expense, they will reimburse you.

I explained to the Manager (Erin) at Georgia and Granville Street, Vancouver, that I did not have any access to any more funds. Let's face it, I used all my savings to care for my Mom until I ran out of money after five years of supporting both of us and only then did I have no choice but to place her in a care home. My Mom and Dad were separated for many, many years and I wasn't all that close to Dad until later on.  Dad then got awfully ill, was taken to St Pauls and the initial time frame to remain living was 2 - 3 weeks, maybe.  I got thrust into taking care of everything for him, packing and selling his apartment, dealing with his so-called Accountant Ray Wiseman of Burnaby, B.C.  (Ray actually got his license pulled for scamming his clients, you can check this with the Chartered Accountants Association, that's how I found out), we weren't aware of what Ray was doing to Dad's finances but let's just say that in the end, Dad owed CRA a major amount of money.  All this time and daily visits to the palliative department and hospice takes its toll, along with, dealing with family who only wants money and gave me all of 1.5 hours of their time to help pack and move all his stuff.  Go figure. Dad miraculously survived almost 3 years from that initial visit to St. Pauls until he passed away.

I suffered complete exhaustion, developed major depression and had to go on disability. Being on disability meant that I went a long time without any income again and although I applied for EI, that was short lived.  All in all...when I went back to work, I was penniless. That's life.  However, when I explained to "Erin" that I had no income and I asked her what do people do if they are poor and can't afford to pay for everything? Erin said" well..it certainly puts them in a difficult position".

That was it..???? A difficult position? So I reconfirmed with her that I would not be able to get a draft in my name so I could pay Canada Post even when Canada Post can confirm they won't accept a bank draft DIRECTLY from the bank to them.  Canada Post only accepts, cash, debit and credit cards, no cheques, no money orders and no bank drafts.  Erin said that I was correct.  She went onto saying that if I showed her a receipt that the bank MAY BE ABLE to help me.  By then I was in tears, I have no money to pay for everything that needs to be done. Scotia Bank in the meantime is holding all the funds and will remain to hold them indefinitely.

So PLEASE ....do not choose Scotia Bank as your lender, your financier and certainly do not choose them as a trust account to settle your estate or like us, you open an account because your the Executor/Executrix or Administrator.  Scotiabank was not included as the trustee in this case and yet they hold all the cards and will keep the income.  Look at my story for the example.  For me, the only thing I can do is write to the creditors and tell them the bank is refusing to release any funds.

And...I found out that the sneaky, customer service manager, Allison, ensured that every time I come into the bank will some kind of bill that the account gets charged $5 per transaction. Nice going Allison. Rob from the poor.

I hope that no one ever has to go through the degradation of having to actually beg to get help, only to be turned away again and again. They won't even change it to a chequing account.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't finish Dad's business at hand and I can't afford legal advice.  I wish I could get help. It appears that I don't have any rights whatsoever, even though the Will is real, it's been accepted as true. I wonder how many other people they did this to and are still hanging onto their money?

My wish is that someone will help me, even with legal advice for free. So if you know anyone who's battled the banks and willing to give me some free time, well, that would be wonderful.

I haven't even been able to grieve because I'm always dealing with problems that sometimes I don't have anything left inside by the end of the day.  Life is sad.

Update: So I talked to the Head Office back east and they took the information, said they would call me back once they investigated but couldn't fix a damn thing.  I explained to her, that Scotia Bank is not named as a Trustee in this case, they have no legal right to hold the funds, they have no legal right to demand that the Executrix pay for normal expenses and then submit receipts whereupon Scotia Bank will make a decision on whether they believe it as a legit expense.  There are two sides to every story, and I invite Scotia Bank to respond, in fact, why won't they?  

December 20, 2013: Still have not heard from Scotiabank, I called Allison yesterday and left a message that I had better not have any more trouble from them; that Scotiabank is not the trustee and has no rights as a trustee on the account as defined under banking and estate laws in Canada, period. I was going to have to go deposit another cheque but then I thought, what's the point? Scotiabank will not release the funds and it is clear that they intend to keep the money.  Should anyone be in this position, when you have no income to fight for your rights, my belief is that you will wind up with nothing, no one will help you, the courts, the laws and the banking industry are against you. Its a pretty sick world.