Monday, January 18, 2016

My Influences Are Getting Their Wings and I Hate It.

The beginning of 2016 did not bring me even one thought of anything hopeful and yet, nothing the opposite. In fact, it seem like Christmas was very quiet and the transition into New Years had no effect. There was no change, no dreams no well, anything.  I had no idea of how much the world was going to exhale and let go the souls that had influenced me, they were part of my life although we never met.

They would come and go, like breezes when moments required and were dedicated to have have meaning to me.  I speak of all those musicians and artists. It started with Lemmy Kilmister; David Bowie; Alan Richman; and today Glenn Frey.  These people who had impact on me, were suddenly gone. I did not know they were sick.  I would say that rightly so, being ill is a private matter and a family matter. No one, especially those that are in the limelight should have to give any energy to paparazzi or anything else that detracts from either them getting better or them sharing their last years with their families and friends.

I can respect that so this is the only way I know how to express their impact and my sadness at their passing.  The moments when Bowie's music would echo down a hallway, at a dance or Glen's voice letting me know that the heartbreak I felt would pass, that I could get through this and that life, well even though you think you are going to stay here, everyone gets to leave.  I felt danger with Lemmy and dug the intense smashing of notes that was like a pile-driver on a pin. I could feel anything and everything with the music these people created and shared. I know they did not do this alone, and there is many, many more that have gone with them this week so my respects to all of those that have transitioned.

As far as Alan Richman, he gave 150% to a  character , whether this was in live theatre or movies. His twists and nuances were like watching an orchestra play. An intense actor who seemed to say practice makes perfect and that the roles he took on, seemed tailored to him. Was there anything he could not portray? Probably not.

I will take my music, my movies and my memories of how all these artists intertwined with my life and hold them close to my heart. This is the only place where they are safe, where they live over and over again. Till I am not here and they will go with me.

To the world, please stop. I can only have so many heartbreaks in life, the human race generally gives me more than enough on a day to day basis with the way they treat each other, so maybe we could keep the ones that do not? What do you think?

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Margaret and Her Magical Garden

I once new a Margaret, quirky, conservatively dressed yet she had that Emma Peel/Avenger thing going on. No, not the catsuits. Although, if anyone could have pulled it off, it would have been her.

One day I came to work, exhausted from caring for my Father and the 3 hours a night sleep, the 40 phone calls a day, I was sinking.  When I came around the corner; and immediately settled into my cubicle, pulling off my jacket and hanging it up. There it was right in front of my face, a lovely photo of a country home garden with an arbor was taped up onto my cubby. I just stared at it, it gave me a moment to sigh and exhale. Before I could even imagine who would have placed such a lovely picture for me to see, there she was. It was Margaret. This time her usually closed lips had opened and a bright and enchanting smile flashed my way.

Margaret had had a lot of shoulder problems, she was always stretching to try to fix it so the discomfort would go away. She mentioned her doctor had sent her for physiotherapy, and I watched her for days trying out this way to move her upper arms so her shoulder would not hurt.  Not too long after Margaret had placed that garden picture at my desk, she suddenly walked right up to me and said: "Can I ask you something?"..I shrugged and said "sure".  She looked me straight in the eye and out it came: "am I going to die?".  I was perplexed and shocked. It was such an odd question and I had no idea how to really respond other than, "of course not".  And we left it at that.  Two days later, I had to take a leave of absence. I was gone for almost 6 months. When I returned, I stared at the empty cubicle across from me. No signs of Margaret and then I asked a coworker where was she? Did she move? Did she go to another floor? No. In fact, she was there one day and then gone. No news, no reason, no one knows anything.  It was odd.  A few months later is when I found out. Margaret had breast cancer, that is why she had so much pain in her shoulder. It was aggressive. I attempted to reach out for the next 2 years, putting out feelers and mentioning to one mutual friend that I would do anything to help and to please let Margaret know. Even that friend said she had minimal knowledge and it seemed that Margaret no longer wanted contact with those people at work. I felt terrible. She was bold, she was unique and I always felt that her and I were both on the outside, but together.

Another year passed and then the message came. Margaret had passed away. I sat at my desk and cried.

Where ever you are, Margaret, may you always know that I adored you. You are one of those people that made my day pass quickly, you brought light in when it was dark. Thank you.